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from agnes martin's essay on the perfection underlying life:

April 22, 2006

What does it mean to be defeated. It means that we cannot go on. We cannot make another move. Everything that we thought we could do we have done without result. We even give up all hope of getting the work and perhaps even the desire to have it. But we still go on without hope or desire or dreams or anything. Just going on with almost no memory of having done anything.
Then it is not us.
Then it is not I.
Then it is not conditioned response.
Then there is some hope of a hint of perfection.
Without hope there is hope.
And without desire there is hope.
We do not ever stop because there is no way to stop. No matter what you do you will not escape. There is no way out. You may as well go ahead with as little resistance as possible – and eat everything on your plate.
Going on without resistance is called discipline.
Going on where hope and desire have been left behind is discipline.
Going on in an impersonal way without personal considerations is called a discipline.
Not thinking, planning, scheming is a discipline.
Not caring or striving is a discipline.

comments
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Cool. I've been a little preoccupied with this subject lately. The hard part is figuring out how to get past your hopes and dreams. They're always lingering somewhere in the background.

- Karin / April 22, 2006 8:30 PM

i feel like a robot sometimes. other times, i feel like i'm some stupid pigeon. but mostly i just think i can feel what's right when i need to. i'm not capable of discipline. i'm only capable of doing what i want to do and what seems to be correct.

agnes martin is a depressing woman. she also says that you should not have pets or a family if you want to be a good artist. i don't think i buy that totally. she's the old romantic ideal of an artist. alone. nailing herself to some philosophical cross in an 8 x 10 room. eating porridge out of an old tin bowl.

it sounds good sometimes.

- Gene / April 22, 2006 10:44 PM

Hmmm, I thought you didn't like philosophy all that much. And here you go with this lady trying to justify the chaos in her life by saying it's organized into an unavoidable conditioned structure, a bitter complacency, a survival mechanism of denial? Ascetic romanticism sounds more like it to me. It works though. I can relate times fifty, but I'm weird. And miserable most of the time.

- Sabra / April 24, 2006 5:22 AM

i ate lunch with my grandma yesterday. it was nice.

- gene / April 24, 2006 10:34 AM

I think if I were "defeeted," I would not be able to walk. I wouldn't have to worry about shoes. I could buy different feet, and have a closet full of feet. I think I may cut off my feet. Thank you for the idea of being "defeeted." I can now have legs that will match my stumpy finger. It was taken at the "rabbit tillers" place of work.

- The feetless Man / June 30, 2006 3:44 PM

She isn't depressing; you're depressed when you read her writings or think about her lifestyle. She actually was very happy in her later years. That's like saying Jesus is depressing because he makes you give up your stuff. Learning to be alone is one of the prerequisites to happiness; every great philosopher agrees. Because if you can't be alone, you're always desperate for company and you can't create and you make poor choices.

- odyssic / January 20, 2008 6:54 PM

she had alzheimer's in her later years.

- gene / January 22, 2008 5:49 PM

The extract reminded me of Orwell's character Gordon Comstock (from 'Keep the aspidistra flying') who, defeated, finds a way to go on.

- Chris / June 21, 2009 6:55 PM

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