pompadoured
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new bear parade book, and more bear parade:
February 16, 2007
i've decided to get serious about my work for bear parade after finishing this last bear parade book. i've been lazy. and stupid.
i did things differently this time. i am conforming to web standards and using more css and creating more functional (at least html-level) websites that don't look like shit.
i would rather make these websites than write my own poetry. i feel comfortable making work based on other work and ideas that aren't my own. my own ideas are the same, generally, as the people i make websites for.
promoting my own work is something i don't care about. i have a nice life and i am nice to people because that makes me happy. my situation is not that unique. when i look at my own poems i think about how sad and fat i am becoming again. also, how inevitable death is and how, since i am not smart enough to know if a god exists, that i will die and my consciousness will become nothing again, and how irrelevant and pointless that makes things like stature and importance and my own poetry.
one day i will have a something, but only after years of having a nice time with other people and being nice to other people will i have that something that will give me a false sense of pride and allow me to think for a small amount of time that i actually matter.
when i am in the process of making a bear parade website, i forget that i exist and instead share a something with people, silently, who are also aware that they will die and how little that will mean to almost everyone else that exists, and this gives me some relief from whatever else. my life is not overly stressful, so whatever.
making a website could be considered tedious, but i like organizing and arranging.
i think that it might not be so bad just to have a nice time and talk about how hopeless and sad everyone is for the rest of my life, and do mindless things sometimes, and do thoughtful things sometimes, but thoughtful things that only exist on a very personal and non-altruistic level.
i am also thinking about taking some java classes so bear parade and my other sites can do more.
comments
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so serious...it's becoming of you...good luck!
- jackie / February 17, 2007 10:45 AM
please don't stop writing your own poems.
- signe c. / February 21, 2007 12:14 PM
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