pompadoured
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something horrible always happens:
October 3, 2007
i cannot experience other existences with any sort of reality
therefore, i cannot ever feel what it is to be myself,
because i have nothing to compare my own life to
and i'm not sure that any part of my life actually means anything
and i am happy with what i am, but i am not sure what anything means
i only know complacency, and the lack of drive it creates
i know wealth, and the sadness inherent in thinking that nothing is out of reach
when everything is out of reach, even an understanding of myself,
what it means to be living, human, and able to write on a blog
i look at stars and think they are fake, i love my wife,
the outside, i talk to people that don't matter to me
i consider the possibility of something horrible happening, and
of every real possibility and of every 'real' thing that exists,
combined with the all unknowing of the entire earth
i will never be able to rationalize made-up shit like reality and truth
or anything that makes me depressed or happy and content
because i don't even understand the fundamental reality
of being content with who and what i have become in my life
i only understand stupid shit, like metroid 3 for two hours when i get home
i am a webmaster, i am a fucking webmaster, assholes, listen to me
i am going to go home and play video games until my wife is tired of it
i will eat dinner, i will look at the internet and sleep near my computer
this is what i do, and i am not going to apologize for using paper towels
or liking guns, because i am comfortable with those things
even if i consider that they are possibly wrong, they make me happy,
and since i can't even explain what 'happy' is, i don't want to fuck it up
i don't want to fuck with my life, because it's too nice now
and something horrible will happen and ruin that feeling, eventually
if you just sit, alone, and cry all the time, something horrible will happen
if you are happy, love god, your family, the air and flowers of the earth
something horrible will happen to you, something horrible always happens
and i'm sorry for making you think about that something happening.
listen to "let's groove" by earth, wind & fire, and make some tea, it'll be okay,
you will eventually die like the rest of us.
comments
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this was kind of what i needed right now
- anna / October 3, 2007 10:27 PM
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